Ascension

The game of life 
When is life good enough you say ...
Why the drama you say ...
Well.... let me tell you why 
I want to break the mould
Let go of the old 
In this true intention ... sometimes there is chaos 
An uncomfortable space 
Resistance
Crazy projections 
Sickness 
Emotional instability 
As the body adjusts 
To its new capabilities 
As the ego clings 
Pain
Fear 
Yes I shed a tear !
A death !

But there is rebirth !
No hiding spaces 
Labour pains 
They can last a while ! 
When a women gives birth 
Her pelvis can literally crack 
Should she remain politely quiet 
For a pat on the back 
Well done you stayed calm !
Sitting on your lotus flower emanating your healing balm 
No she screams 
She pants 
She moves her body in rhythmic motion 
I  made a LIFE  ! 
I AM LIFE 
It requires a FIRE
It requires COURAGE 
It requires a surrender to a primordial force that cannot be contained in any human who lives to truly come alive 
Not just survive !
I will not be conformed 
I will not apologise for the fire in my belly 
For wanting more passion for wanting  deep union 
For wanting deep communion 
To fill my senses
To feel my body alive 
To awaken to the holy spirit... 
I will not apologise for any part of me that dares ...in this stifling fucking patriarchial society 
to show her face and breath ....life !
I have a voice 
Sometimes I want to scream 
Wake up !
Sometimes on this paradoxical journey to this place where we remain ...looking for a road 
We realise we have travelled far from our abode. Then we look again and realise it isn’t true 
As we truly are the witness of everything we do 
Sometimes in this there is great peace 
At other times 
It seems great release 
Sometimes in this 
There is great hunger passion and fire as the emerging consciousness 
Takes us higher 
It’s not a sweet and simple path 
But worthy all the same 
There is no LIFE in playing safe 
Like a pawn in someone else’s game 
If I’m scared I’m gonna say it 
If I’m vulnerable I show it 
If I’m angry ..  sorry your gonna feel it 
you are on that journey too 
Light and dark 
I’m done with being the good person 
The kind person 
The nice person everyone expects to see ... responsive to every whim 
Draining my energy 
The Essence of all those parts come with ease when I’m truly free ...
I know that YOU SEE...too 

So I’m not trying anymore to impress 
ANYONE ... not even you 
I’m  just going to be me 
if I offend ... so it be 
And all those little pieces that 
Were hidden deep ... I set them free 
When is life good enough you say 
I say every second of every day 
So LIVE IT 
outside of comfort ..
And be it  
Why  the drama ?
Let me say it clearly now 
To emerge from the mundanity 
The sameness... the comfortable dead spaces we create 
The 9-5 
Polite conversations with no life
Television on 
Glued to phones 
Sat on the Xbox ... zoned ...out 
Gone 
 disconnected 
Protected 
From feeling 
Resistant to deep healing 
Distractions 
Reactions 
Addictions 
Flirtations with the passing ...
No conscious intent 
Words that pacify 
Gratify the ego 
Niceties 
No hunger ...no fire for life 
If you want to fall in love with your wife ....everyday 
Take her out of the box you’ve projected 
As I take you out of mine ...
Play 
Meet the new in each other every day 
Every morning 
Search ...look ...inquire 
Pay attention 
Be inspired 
Choose to find your muse ...again ....and again ....and again ....no ending 
Spontaneity... eye contact ...fun ...laughter 
Where have they gone 
As we sleep back to back 
Hoping one day to get back on track 
Why not now 
Right this minute 
Why the fear to say what we feel 
It can’t kill us ! 
Why the resistance 
I can take it 
Your not on a pedestal 
You can’t fall 
I’ll love you no matter what 
It can be no other way 
No matter what you say 
Transformation can come in an instant !
Or is the love gone ..
As you silently judge 
Sat on  your self righteous throne
Alone 
It’s not a nice place to be 
It feels safe but inhibits true intimacy 
I know I go there too 

True intimacy ... what does it mean 
To be intimate and true to self 
True to all parts 
Allowing each their  expression 
Each their confession 

And Some paths have to be walked alone 
You can share a vision and seeds can be sewn 
Yet each ones journey must be their own ...
The journey from the mind to the heart 
Takes a lifetime and a second 
There’s no safe and comfortable spaces when you hunger for true union with God
When you burn like this 
When your whole life freedom has been ringing in your ears 
There is only temporary amnesia
When is life good enough you say
I say 
When we fully awaken 
And not a moment before !

Then we know love that surpasses every tired expectation ...

Leanne 2018