Leave the door open ....

We all have different beliefs on life, on death, on what happens to us.
Where do we come from?
Where do we go?
Is there life after this glorious show?
Is the birth of a child really the beginning?
Or the death of our loved ones truly an end?
Is life really only three score years and 10?
Are all our thoughts, our dreams, our aspirations bound to a body which turns to dust?
Is this truly the sum of us?
Surely not!

When we are young we don't think in terms of beginnings and ends
we navigate a path with many bends
Yet in our youth we experience the moment trusting how we feel
In our innocence and openness we often see what’s real.
We see great truths bound in nature’s story as the eternal dance of life reveals its glory

My Daughter, Shivaani, once said to me “look at the caterpillar, it doesn't die, it simply changes form”
Conversations like this in our family have always been the norm
Nan, a spiritual woman of passion who refused to conform
And Mum, her Mother’s Daughter, well she was brave and exuded joy from the very day she was born
And I myself remember saying at the innocent age of seven, i'm not my body, I’m not my mind,  I cannot die
Surely I do not cease to exist ...this is just a lie!

And so these discussions were early explorations followed indeed by many personal revelations
These came for me in my most difficult time
When Mum, Nan’s daughter fell seriously ill in 1999
Our uncle Stephen sat with me
As I preceded to question our mortality
He gave me books and shared stories of old
Encouraging me to be bold
We reflected on the wisdom of the saints who looked beyond the physical world

And so Nan and I would spend many a night with a glass of wine
Pondering love, life, death and the very nature of time
For Nan, the fear of losing her Daughter and myself the Mother to whom none could compare
Our conversations bought us closer together as we were able to share
To share our love, to share our fears
To embrace one another and shed our tears

And as is so often when life deals a harsh blow
We were forced to go deeper within ourselves
To consider life without the ones we love
To consider what it is we really lose
To consider our beliefs
To really consciously choose how we can honour those who have passed
How we make sure their love will last ...in us ...

And now as Nan goes to be with our Mum, her Sister and all whom she loved who have passed before
I find myself in that place once again
Considering amidst the pain
How will Nan’s love remain ..in us

Thanks to Mum, thanks to Nan, I know now in the deepest part of my being that those we love can never be lost
That Whilst we experience the pain of separation and feel as if life can never be the same
That we are connected so deeply to one another that even death is not the end game
For the love that binds us all together
Builds a bridge which can never sever
For this love goes beyond space and time
We can feel it's Rhythm and hear it's Rhyme
And as we connect to this heart space and feel the love inside
We can realise beyond all doubt that this is where nan resides
Feel her presence and know she's here
She wouldn't miss this day
And I believe these to be just a few words she would say

Leave the door open, come and see
I am not gone I am still me
Leave the door open, come and see
I'm no longer in body I'm truly free
Free from sickness
Free from pain
Able to see my Daughter, my Sisters, my Husband again
You may think of the end, I see a new start

If I had a pen, I'd write you each a letter
Encouraging you to always live better
I'd thank you all, for all you gave me 
each in your own individual way
As you know being a woman of words I always have something to say
I'd say Life is for the living!
Keep learning, keep giving
The passion and the glint that you saw in my eye
Is still here, it did not die
So leave the door open, come and see
Mourn for a day then let me be
Don't be troubled now I've moved on
I'm on a new adventure but I am not gone.

Til we meet again